is swine flu sexually transmttd?
Ha no, why?
sriously ive never had a hangovr this bad
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
