I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
