respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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