dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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