You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Randomize
