I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Randomize
