Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
