Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
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