Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
mondays should just be called national damage control day
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Randomize
