...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Randomize