i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
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