tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
I would fuck him just for his dog
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