in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
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