I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
