Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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