um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
