it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
Randomize
