what day is it and did you see me today?
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
