Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
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