he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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