Porn is love you can see.
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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