I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize