I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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