you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
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