piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
