Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
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