I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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