I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
Randomize