she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
