So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
Randomize
