just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Fuck me I smell like cheese
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
Randomize
