Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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