I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
It was confusing and full of hummus
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
