I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Randomize
