The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
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