I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
