Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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