I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Randomize
