"it" just moved
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Randomize
