Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Randomize
