I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
