Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Randomize