Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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