He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Randomize
