Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Randomize
