I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
