how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
