Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Randomize
