At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
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