OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Randomize
