Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Randomize
