I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
We have started to decorate penises.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
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