either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
Randomize
