I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize