puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
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