Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
Randomize
