My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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