My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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