He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
