i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
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