I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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