He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
Less talking, more tequila
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Randomize
