nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
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