K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
