everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Randomize