I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
