Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
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