I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
i need some magic done to my vagina
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
