i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
I'm both gender and math confused
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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