i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Randomize
