Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
Randomize
