Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
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