i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
