So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
He uses pillows to masturbate.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
