This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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