He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
