Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
Randomize
