Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
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