Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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