Whod you bang
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
