Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
No more Irish car bombs ever.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
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