I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
He disabled his match.com account in front of me
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
Randomize
