Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Randomize
