areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
Randomize
