I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
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