I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Randomize
